Rosary Murders and More

Watching Rosary Murders this week brought the terrible reality into focus of the horrendous impact of sexual abuse on a teenager. In the movie, a 16-year-old girl confides in a nun about incest and her father raping her. The nun did not believe her and called her a liar. She told the teen that her father would never do such a despicable thing, and that she should be ashamed for accusing him. The girl committed suicide the next week by hanging herself. The nun took on a vow of silence after the fact.

A helpless girl reached out to someone she felt she could trust, but it just didn't work out for her. So she took the only available action she thought she had. Young girls do not have the social skills to protect themselves. They don't know where they can go and to whom they can turn. I know because I went through these things myself. After being repeatedly assaulted by an 18-year-old lifeguard when I was 12, I went to an older girl who was working at the resort and confided in her. She told me if anything was happening to me it was my own fault. I had to agree with her. I thought I must have done something wrong. But what does a 12-year-old know?

After two years I confided in my seminary teacher about the abuse. I was inundated with guilt from "being immoral" or so I thought. I thought God hated me and wouldn't have anything to do with me. That was my religious training. Well, after four months, the seminary teacher crossed the line and also abused me for the next two years. I, like the girl in the movie, didn't know what to do. My religious background and training made me feel like I was evil, but at the same time, he was my religious superior.

I swim daily for exercise at our local rec center. Twice this week, I was approached by a woman at the pool. They each had their own story of sexual abuse to share with me. One told the story of her niece. When the girl told her mother that her stepfather was abusing her, the mother (like the nun above), didn't believe her. To whom could the girl go then if her own mother wouldn't believe her? I advised the aunt, told her about my website, a bit of my own history, and gave her my email address so the niece could contact me. But it hasn't happened. It's so difficult to reach out when you have been abused. Even when I was in my 50's and seeking group therapy and counseling, I sat at the desk for hours before I could make the phone call and then had diarrhea all day before the first session. It's debilitating physically, mentally, and emotionally to reach out. It's almost impossible to put forth the courage to make the contact.

The second lady at the pool confided to me about a more local family who were entertainers. The father was in the hierarchy in his church as well as a professional businessman in the community. There were five daughters who eventually went public with the incest in their family. All five girls had been abused. Again, it was more important to protect the family name and reputation than to stop the abuse and get treatment. Neither the church nor society reached out to the girls.

I continue to hear such sad stories. My heart aches for the victims because I know how it feels. It's so difficult after the fact to get the healing balm that is needed. I have a granddaughter who is doing preventative work. She has written a book on Street Harassment and travels extensively doing seminars and informing the public about the aftermath of street harassment, which is a verbal form of sexual abuse. She is doing great work, and I expect to see tremendous results from her work. But there are still the one in three females and one in six males who have been sexually abused by the age of 18 and it's usually incest, that need assistance to get their lives back together.

I don't want to see more suicides or other side affects from the aftermath of sexual abuse. I would like to see more legislation in favor of the abused. I would like to see more attorneys such as Kelly Clark in Portland, OR who is fighting legal battles for the abused. My seminary teacher did no jail time. In fact he went from being seminary principal to being principal of a very large local high school. That is devastating. I would like to see more safe places where the abused can go and feel safe. Family and church do not always support the abused. I certainly wasn't, and I know how that feels to carry a lifetime of guilt around with you. These special young folk deserve to know that they have done nothing wrong. They are the victims not the perpetrators. It's the perpetrators that deserve to be labeled. And the secrets should not be kept.