Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Invisible War Wins Audience Award at Sundance Film Festival!


I received an email from Nancy Schwartzman, Outreach Campaign Director for the movie about the award. Below is her email with the details.

Dear Friends:


We are thrilled to announce that "The Invisible War" has won the Audience Award in the Documentary Competition at this year's Sundance Film Festival! It has been an exhilarating week! We're blown away by the positive responses to the film, and your commitment to taking action with us, to make a difference in the lives of thousands of military sexual assault survivors.

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Survivors at PremiereShowing
We couldn't have done it without the incredible support of our Executive Producers, Geralyn Dreyfous, Maria Cuomo Cole, Regina Kulik Scully, Jennifer Siebel Newsom, Abigail Disney, and Nicole Boxer-Keegan. We give special thanks to Mary J. Blige, who joined us for the premiere and will be writing an original song for the film.

Buzz for the film began building even before our Sundance launch, when on Wednesday January 18, "The Invisible War" was featured on NBC's nightly news with Brian Williams. Featured in this piece was Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta's press conference announcing (in anticipation of our film's release) that the military would make every attempt to improve its responsiveness on issues of sexual assault. We plan to hold Panetta accountable to his vows, via our advocacy campaign to alleviate the suffering of hundreds of thousands of assault survivors who do receive neither justice or adequate care.On Friday, January 20th, the day of the premiere, anticipation was high. Survivors flew in from all over the country to join us in Park City, Utah. We were honored to have service members Kori Cioca and several others join us with their partners and families for premiere weekend to see the film and answer audience questions.

Audience at Premiere Showing at Sundance
Immediately after the screening ended, the impact was clear. There was a standing ovation and outpouring of emotion. One audience member was so moved, he offered to anonymously pay for the surgery that Kori Cioca so desperately needs, as a result of her rape and lack of responsiveness form the VA. Supporters in the audience included Senator Barbara Boxer, Brigadier General Loree Sutton, Representative Jackie Speier and Representative Michael Turner. Following the premiere, we convened at an after party that included an intimate conversation with Mary J. Blige and Jennifer Siebel Newsom about the importance of challenging the epidemic of sexual violence in our military.

On Sunday 1/22, survivors, advocates, and filmmakers came together for a community speak out. Survivors dialogued with members of the local anti-violence advocate community, members of the Utah VA, and we hosted a virtual conversation about MST on twitter using the hashtag #Notinvisible. Tweets and photographs are compiled here on Storify.

Our outreach team also took to the internet to help spread the word, joining the Women's Media Center for a virtual discussion about Military Sexual Assault with over 16,000 participants.

The actions we wanted to ignite are starting to occur! In just over a week, we have over 2,000 signatures directed at the House and Senate Armed Services Committees, and the Veterans Affairs Committees to take direct and immediate action to take the reporting of rapes outside of the chain of the command, and make getting disability benefits for military sexual assault survivors much easier.

Will you join us in sending a clear message to Capitol Hill?

Sign the petition started by Kori Cioca and pass it to 10 friends.Take Action on twitter, facebook and via email on behalf of MST survivors.

Sign up to host a screening in your community: invisiblewar@filmsprout.org if people see this movie, this issue will no longer remain invisible.

Thanks for your support,

Nancy Schwartzman
Outreach Campaign Director
www.invisiblewarmovie.com


"Unorthodox": A Woman's Journey from Repression to Freedom

Deborah Feldman 
In an article by Sarah B. Weir, she tells how Deborah Feldman was raised in a Hasidic Jewish community. She was forced to wear skirts that covered her ankles and high-necked blouses that were made of woven fabrics so they wouldn't cling to her body and reveal her shape. She couldn't read books in the English language because her guardian grandfather told her they were written in an "impure language."

She was sexually abused when she was twelve. She never told anyone about the assault because she had been raised with the idea that men's lust wasn't governable. I guess this meant that men had to be satisfied whatever the cost. I am so indignant and appalled at even hearing such a thought expressed. How could anyone teach a beautiful young girl that she had to submit to a man's sexual desires just because she had the necessary equipment to satisfy him. What a travesty! When are women and young girls ever going to be treated with the dignity, appreciation, support, respect, and love that they deserve? Oh, yes, men's ungovernable lust was also the reason her community was segregated by gender


Look at the face of this beautiful young lady and how could anyone measure her worth less than a man's just because she is female? How could anyone subject her to some of the most heinous crimes ever committed against anyone? Going through a sexual assault was so traumatic for me - not just at the moment - but for the rest of my life that I would have preferred death.
But Deborah's story gets worse. At 17, her grandparents forced her into an arranged marriage with a man who was a virtual stranger to her. Sex wasn't a topic in her household, so she had not even the very rudimentary basics of sexual relations and how one gets pregnant. My mother would never say the word "sex", and I can never recall it ever being said while I was growing up. However, I had a girl cousin that filled me in when I was twelve years old.

Looking back, I always thought that was way too old to be learning such things. That was after I had been sexually abused for many years as a child and raped several times the summer I was twelve. Children need and deserve to be taught at a much earlier age. Perhaps it was just easier for us because we had so many multiple births (two sets of twins and a set of triplets in four years - and no, I wasn't taking fertility drugs). I always wanted my children to grow up with a good basic understanding of what happens to their bodies and the human reproduction systems. When we brought our triplets home from the hospital, my four-year-old twin son asked: "How come everybody else only gets one baby and we get two and three?" I wasn't prepared to begin teaching quite so early, but I explained as best I could with analogies. From then on, we talked openly about such things - even at the dinner table - with both sexes there. It was a comfortable subject in our home, and I believe that's the way it should be.

After Deborah's marriage, she had to shave her head and wear a wig. I had heard this was done in orthodox Jewish families and didn't know why, so I looked it up. It seems this tradition is based on a particular verse in the book of Numbers, a part of the Torah or Old Testament. The Wig is to be worn as a head covering because for Jewish women, the uncovered head was from earliest times considered immodest and erotic,  if not worse. This covering of the head was so the woman wouldn't draw a man's attention. A woman's hair was only for her husband to see.  Also, a woman goes to the mikveh (a small deep immersion pool) for a cleansing ritual that in orthodoxy includes every single hair being submerged simultaneously. It was just easier to shave the head.

Deborah rebelled against wearing the wig and shaving her head after a year of being married. A woman's hair can be one of her most beautiful assets. I imagine having to have a shaved head would be depressing and Deborah said it was for her. I know women who have lost their hair after cancer treatments, and it is worse than the treatments themselves. They can hardly wait until their hair grows back.
Seven years after her marriage, Deborah had the courage to abandon her orthodox life and began a new way of being and living.

So where did Deborah grow up? What country would have such repressive laws against women? Well, is it surprising that she grew up in an ultra-conservative Jewish society right in New York City? My daughter, who lives in New York City, often speaks of seeing these people. They are very obvious by their dress and styles. Now, Sarah Wier notes that the Jewish enclave has passed more laws limiting women. Their women have a curfew and cannot be out on the street after a certain hour. Does this remind anyone of the Nazi laws against the Jews prior to the death camps - especially in the Polish ghetto.

The Jewish community that Deborah grew up in has instituted such extreme laws as a reaction to the atrocities of the Holocaust. Most of the group where Deborah grew up are descendants of Holocaust survivors who fled from Hungary and Romania during World War II. Feldman states: "Hasidic Jews in America eagerly returned to a heritage that had been on the verge of disappearing, donning traditional dress and speaking only in Yiddsh, as their ancesors had done." Part of the reason the emphasis is on family life and reproduction is to replace those who died in the Holocaust and increase their society. Sarah Wier states: " to this day, Hasidic communities continue to grow rapidly, in what is seen as the ultimate revenge against Hitler."

Deborah has written a book about her repressive childhood, being assaulted, and eventually finding the courage to leave it all behind. The title is: "Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots."
Deborah tells about a typical perpetrator grooming of children. Every day as she went to school, he would be there on a bench, sitting, waiting, and offered her candy. She related the incidents to her grandfather who told her he was an older gentleman and she had to speak to him out of respect. Sounds like some of the brainwashing I received. This was a male authority, and you gave them respect. Also, like some of the polygamist cults, she was told that if she spoke to anyone other than her own group, she might be kidnapped and chopped into pieces. What a horrible way to teach a child. She was instilled with intense fear from the time she was very small.

Her own son's welfare was ultimately what gave her the courage to escape. The religious view was always that "God will protect you." One night while speeding down a highway with a car that had worn tires, she got into an accident and the car overturned three times. In her community, no one made their kids wear seat belts. In pondering this after her accident, she realized if she had taken her son with her, he would have been killed. Deborah had been after he husband to get different tires with no results. When he came to the hospital the night of the accident, she informed him she was through. She was leaving.
A friend from one of her classes at Sarah Lawrence College where she was going part time,  took her in. In a history class, studying about memoirs, she began to feel that she just might be able to make a difference and have her voice heard.

Where is Deborah today? She is an outcast with her family, and they write her hate mail and want her to commit suicide. Her husband is no longer as orthodox and they share custody of her five-year-old son.
It's been two years since Deborah made the break, but she's still very wary and doesn't let her address be known. Her book has become her insurance against relatives harming her because they don't want their actions made public.

Deborah has learned about forgiveness which was also huge for me. Instead of blaming others and being angry which is lower vibrational energy, it's so much better to give yourself and others the gift of forgiveness by putting your focus on healing. No matter what has happened to you, when you are an adult, you are responsible for your own healing. Deborah's first inclination was to hold her grandmother personally responsible for all that she went through, but that wouldn't heal her. Forgiveness is truly the path to healing. It's taking that journey from the head into the heart. I salute Deborah for her courage and for owning the power of her voice and for being a survivor!


"Unorthodox": A Woman's Journey from Repression to Freedom

Deborah Feldman 
In an article by Sarah B. Weir, she tells how Deborah Feldman was raised in a Hasidic Jewish community. She was forced to wear skirts that covered her ankles and high-necked blouses that were made of woven fabrics so they wouldn't cling to her body and reveal her shape. She couldn't read books in the English language because her guardian grandfather told her they were written in an "impure language."

She was sexually abused when she was twelve. She never told anyone about the assault because she had been raised with the idea that men's lust wasn't governable. I guess this meant that men had to be satisfied whatever the cost. I am so indignant and appalled at even hearing such a thought expressed. How could anyone teach a beautiful young girl that she had to submit to a man's sexual desires just because she had the necessary equipment to satisfy him. What a travesty! When are women and young girls ever going to be treated with the dignity, appreciation, support, respect, and love that they deserve? Oh, yes, men's ungovernable lust was also the reason her community was segregated by gender


Look at the face of this beautiful young lady and how could anyone measure her worth less than a man's just because she is female? How could anyone subject her to some of the most heinous crimes ever committed against anyone? Going through a sexual assault was so traumatic for me - not just at the moment - but for the rest of my life that I would have preferred death.
But Deborah's story gets worse. At 17, her grandparents forced her into an arranged marriage with a man who was a virtual stranger to her. Sex wasn't a topic in her household, so she had not even the very rudimentary basics of sexual relations and how one gets pregnant. My mother would never say the word "sex", and I can never recall it ever being said while I was growing up. However, I had a girl cousin that filled me in when I was twelve years old.

Looking back, I always thought that was way too old to be learning such things. That was after I had been sexually abused for many years as a child and raped several times the summer I was twelve. Children need and deserve to be taught at a much earlier age. Perhaps it was just easier for us because we had so many multiple births (two sets of twins and a set of triplets in four years - and no, I wasn't taking fertility drugs). I always wanted my children to grow up with a good basic understanding of what happens to their bodies and the human reproduction systems. When we brought our triplets home from the hospital, my four-year-old twin son asked: "How come everybody else only gets one baby and we get two and three?" I wasn't prepared to begin teaching quite so early, but I explained as best I could with analogies. From then on, we talked openly about such things - even at the dinner table - with both sexes there. It was a comfortable subject in our home, and I believe that's the way it should be.

After Deborah's marriage, she had to shave her head and wear a wig. I had heard this was done in orthodox Jewish families and didn't know why, so I looked it up. It seems this tradition is based on a particular verse in the book of Numbers, a part of the Torah or Old Testament. The Wig is to be worn as a head covering because for Jewish women, the uncovered head was from earliest times considered immodest and erotic,  if not worse. This covering of the head was so the woman wouldn't draw a man's attention. A woman's hair was only for her husband to see.  Also, a woman goes to the mikveh (a small deep immersion pool) for a cleansing ritual that in orthodoxy includes every single hair being submerged simultaneously. It was just easier to shave the head.

Deborah rebelled against wearing the wig and shaving her head after a year of being married. A woman's hair can be one of her most beautiful assets. I imagine having to have a shaved head would be depressing and Deborah said it was for her. I know women who have lost their hair after cancer treatments, and it is worse than the treatments themselves. They can hardly wait until their hair grows back.
Seven years after her marriage, Deborah had the courage to abandon her orthodox life and began a new way of being and living.

So where did Deborah grow up? What country would have such repressive laws against women? Well, is it surprising that she grew up in an ultra-conservative Jewish society right in New York City? My daughter, who lives in New York City, often speaks of seeing these people. They are very obvious by their dress and styles. Now, Sarah Wier notes that the Jewish enclave has passed more laws limiting women. Their women have a curfew and cannot be out on the street after a certain hour. Does this remind anyone of the Nazi laws against the Jews prior to the death camps - especially in the Polish ghetto.

The Jewish community that Deborah grew up in has instituted such extreme laws as a reaction to the atrocities of the Holocaust. Most of the group where Deborah grew up are descendants of Holocaust survivors who fled from Hungary and Romania during World War II. Feldman states: "Hasidic Jews in America eagerly returned to a heritage that had been on the verge of disappearing, donning traditional dress and speaking only in Yiddsh, as their ancesors had done." Part of the reason the emphasis is on family life and reproduction is to replace those who died in the Holocaust and increase their society. Sarah Wier states: " to this day, Hasidic communities continue to grow rapidly, in what is seen as the ultimate revenge against Hitler."

Deborah has written a book about her repressive childhood, being assaulted, and eventually finding the courage to leave it all behind. The title is: "Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots."
Deborah tells about a typical perpetrator grooming of children. Every day as she went to school, he would be there on a bench, sitting, waiting, and offered her candy. She related the incidents to her grandfather who told her he was an older gentleman and she had to speak to him out of respect. Sounds like some of the brainwashing I received. This was a male authority, and you gave them respect. Also, like some of the polygamist cults, she was told that if she spoke to anyone other than her own group, she might be kidnapped and chopped into pieces. What a horrible way to teach a child. She was instilled with intense fear from the time she was very small.

Her own son's welfare was ultimately what gave her the courage to escape. The religious view was always that "God will protect you." One night while speeding down a highway with a car that had worn tires, she got into an accident and the car overturned three times. In her community, no one made their kids wear seat belts. In pondering this after her accident, she realized if she had taken her son with her, he would have been killed. Deborah had been after he husband to get different tires with no results. When he came to the hospital the night of the accident, she informed him she was through. She was leaving.
A friend from one of her classes at Sarah Lawrence College where she was going part time,  took her in. In a history class, studying about memoirs, she began to feel that she just might be able to make a difference and have her voice heard.

Where is Deborah today? She is an outcast with her family, and they write her hate mail and want her to commit suicide. Her husband is no longer as orthodox and they share custody of her five-year-old son.
It's been two years since Deborah made the break, but she's still very wary and doesn't let her address be known. Her book has become her insurance against relatives harming her because they don't want their actions made public.

Deborah has learned about forgiveness which was also huge for me. Instead of blaming others and being angry which is lower vibrational energy, it's so much better to give yourself and others the gift of forgiveness by putting your focus on healing. No matter what has happened to you, when you are an adult, you are responsible for your own healing. Deborah's first inclination was to hold her grandmother personally responsible for all that she went through, but that wouldn't heal her. Forgiveness is truly the path to healing. It's taking that journey from the head into the heart. I salute Deborah for her courage and for owning the power of her voice and for being a survivor!


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Child Sexual Abuse


An innocent little three-year-old. Is she happy? Is she scared? Is she timid? What has happened to change her normally bright, happy, playful countenance to one that is contained, withdrawn, and fearful? Her freedoms were taken from her, when a family member began sexually abusing her at this very stage in her life. It robbed her of her innocence, her mobility, her happy heart. Instead she carries a wall around her heart to try to prevent all the sadness and pain  and to protect her.
Her life is forever changed. She will create a persona of protection until she no longer knows who she really is. It won’t be until she is in her sixties that she will be able to awake and discover the happy child she once was.
The energy she now carries with her seems to attract other sexual perpetrators, and so she goes through several other sexual assaults while dissociating so she doesn’t have to really feel the experiences. Dissociate means she’s there physically but not emotionally
She repressed the assaults that occurred when she was a child, but always remembered the lifeguard who repeatedly raped her at age 12 and her religion teacher and church leader who “used” her when she was 14-15. She didn’t realize she had lost the ability to say “no” when her free agency was taken from her at such a young age. She just thought she was “bad”. On the outside, she appeared to be a winner as she excelled in everything she did. On the inside, she felt she was a loser and no amount of trying to be perfect could ever erase those feelings.
She went on to graduate from college at age 20, had eight children by the time she was 28—including two sets of twins and a set of triplets born in 4 years. (That’s right—7 children age 4 and under.) She later added a ninth child, another singleton, at age 32. Her life was a zoo trying to feed, clothe, and take care of all the physical needs of her large family.
Holly Kearl, author of Stop Street Harassment, speaking against sexual abuse
She became an accomplished speaker and author, but no achievements ever changed the feelings of hopelessness on the inside until the flashbacks came of her childhood abuse and she sought professional help to get her life  back on track. That took hundreds of hours, research, diligence in how to heal, and working through a lifetime of sorrows and heartaches.
Many who have been sexually abused have similar feelings and really don’t understand what is wrong with them. They feel like they are going out of their minds, that everything is hopeless because it feels so hopeless. They seem to attempt to be perfect so they can be acceptable. Problem is, it just doesn’t work. The underlying feelings don’t change no matter how perfect they try to be.
Notice the same picture of the little child in Holly Kearl's poster. Holly is very vocal about standing up for women's rights. Check out her website and blogs. There are many. Just Google Holly Kearl and read as she is the stop street harassment expert. The poster is one Holly used in Washington D.C. as she walked for sexual abuse survivors.
Holly is my granddaughter. The picture she carries on her poster is the one at the top of this article, and it is my own picture. I am a survivor of sexual abuse.

North Country - a movie about rape and sexual harassment


Original Poster
In 1989, Josey (played in the movieNorth Country by Charlize Theron) rescues herself and her two children, Sam and Karen, after being brutally beaten by her husband. She goes to her parents' home in a small mining town in Northern Minnesota. Her father is disgusted with her and still ashamed after she became pregnant at age 16 and he called her a whore as did the town. Because of her past reputation, Josey is not accepted by the townspeople. She gets a job as a hairdresser until she meets the Dodges who befriend her. The wife, Glory, works at the iron mines and she assists Josey in getting a job there also. They also take Josey and her children in because Josey's father makes it unbearable for her to live at home. He also works at the mine.
Josey makes friends with the other female workers, but she soon becomes the target of sexual harassment from some of the men. Josey reports the abuse to management which results in all the women being sexually harassed. Josie has an especially difficult time with a former boyfriend who is always harassing her. She is made to do things that others don't have to do - even things that are endangering to her life.
Josey refuses to give in to the harassment, but the men just spread lies about her and even make it more difficult for her at the mines.  Her father continues to believe the worst of Josey and even her son begins to believe the lies as well as the men's wives. After one vicious assault by her former boyfriend, Josie tries to report it to management but the board of directors refuses to hear her complaints about the way women are treated at the mine. Totally dejected, she quits even though she needs the job to get her independence. She asks a lawyer friend to help her bring a suit against the company. At first he refuses, but then relents and requests she get the other women to back up her accusations in court. Josie visits the women to gain their approval, but they are too afraid of risking their jobs and refuse.
Her father, once again, is upset with her. Her mother, however, brings her money because Josey is no longer employed. Josey doesn't give up, however, and the court case begins. During the trial, she tells of how her favorite high school teacher raped her when she was 16. She had never told anyone, and everyone just thought she was promiscuous--especially her father. However, he does a turnabout when he hears the truth and tries to beat up the teacher in the court room. Her former boyfriend lies in court and says the assault never took place. After severe questioning by her attorney, Bobby finally gives in and tells the truth that he heard Josey screaming and saw through the window in the door what was happening, but he just left. He asked: What could I do?
Josey's one friend she has lived with has Lou Gehrig's Disease and is dying. She comes to court and defends Josie. Then other women stand up in support of her and she has the 3 women that she needs for a class action. Many others stand up for her including her father and mother and several men and women.
The mining company loses the case and is forced to make financial amends. Josey's son also becomes supportive after Josey explains to him how she felt at age 16 after being raped and then finding herself pregnant. No one knew the truth, and she was labeled a whore and promiscuous. She wanted to die and didn't want to be pregnant. Then one night she describes feeling a butterfly reaction in her stomach and she realized that this was HER baby not the teacher's. And from that moment on, he was her son. It is a touching scene as she describes her feelings and how she loves him. They embrace.
On the way home from the court case, Josey teaches her son how to drive the truck. So it all ends on a good note.
The sad thing is that Josey had no one to go to for support when she found herself pregnant after a rape by someone she trusted. She lived a life of hell trying to make a life for herself and her son. She was labeled and blamed and called horrible names - none of which was true. At age 16, she didn't know how to stick up for herself. She must have felt so alone and helpless. Where was the support of family, society, school, church when she needed them so desperately? It's too often the case with rape and sexual harassment. But Josey didn't take it all lying down when she was older and wiser. She stood up for herself. She owned her voice and her power and took charge and got the results that she so much deserved. It's difficult to believe that even a parent would not stand up for his child. But I could relate because I didn't feel support from the family or church either. I felt chastised, ashamed, and like I was so bad and would surely go to hell. I used to wish I could be disintegrated so I wouldn't have to feel. It all felt so hopeless. Thank goodness there is more support and more people being vocal for those who have been abused and harassed. I often wished the perpetrators had just killed me instead of just molesting me. I would have been better off.

Sundance Film Festival - The Invisible War


Survivor Military Sexual Assault/Rape
Kori Cioca

Yesterday, January 22, 2012, I had the privilege of attending the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, UT, to a viewing of The Invisible War. My granddaughter, Holly Kearl, is a women’s rights activist, working in AAUW. Her organization is involved with the court case for some of the survivors whose stories are portrayed in the documentary movie. Because Holly is aware that I, too, am a survivor of rape and sexual assault, she wanted to include me.
I was not prepared for the emotional upheavals the movie raised within me. Nor was I at all aware of the many rape survivors who are veterans of the Coast Guard, Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines – more women than men. The one detail that was presented over and over in many different ways was that it ruined each victim’s life – and that hadn’t eased even 25 years later. There were many statistics cited in the movie. Twenty percent of women in the military are raped by coworkers as well as one percent of men. In 2011, the DOD estimated that about 19,000 women were raped while serving in the military.  It was brought out that few victims report their rapes and only eight percent of perpetrators are prosecuted and only two percent of those end in convictions (which also are usually very lenient.) The survivors all suffered from PTSD, and it was five times greater than those who had served in combat. I was shocked because I, too, had been diagnosed with PTSD, but I had never obtained any medical treatment for it.
These women – the focus was more on the women but men were included as well – had been on many, many, drugs prescribed by the doctors in the armed forces. Kori, one of the survivors, takes probably 50 bottles of prescription drugs from her cupboards (during the movie) and then documents the fact that some of these drugs taken together could cause death. Some former survivors, who did use these drugs together, are already dead.
Kori had been so severely assaulted by her attacker, as he struck her so hard in her face, that she no longer has discs in her jaws. She suffers continual pain. She cannot go outside in the cold Ohio weather (which intensifies the pain), so she watches from a window as her husband and young daughter go outside to play. Kori can’t open her mouth very wide and can’t chew much. She has to be on a constant soft diet of things like Jello, yogurt, and whipped potatoes. It has been a long five years of horrendous pain with no hope of healing looming in the near future. The VA has sent her to doctor after doctor. The previous ones have not been paid and not any of them have read her chart or is familiar with her problems. Each time it’s like starting over. She’s so afraid of being checked that she has a pre-recorded message on her cell phone to her husband who waits outside the exam room. On one visit, a doctor tried to pry open her mouth, which wouldn’t open and he shoved a mirror into her mouth cutting her gums. She ran from his office totally terrorized.
Another 18-year-old female soldier was gang-raped by 8 or 9 of her male team. They lied, so it is their word against hers. She, like many of her sister survivors, had no recourse. Many were threatened to be tortured, killed and their bodies would never be found. Her attackers were her “brother” fellow servicemen. The military units become as a family – so their sexual assault borders on incest. On top of that, it’s so difficult to report the attacks because so often the rapist is their superior officer or the best friend of the rapist. Military justice is different from civilian. The civilian victim has the right of having someone not “family” assisting her. This doesn’t happen in the military.
One survivor did not have the courage to go public with her sexual assault committed by a 3-star general. Another young girl couldn’t wait to get into the military. Her father was still active and highly decorated. He spoke out publicly at the risk of losing all his benefits. He did a full year’s active service in one of the recent wars while this was going on. He was so emotionally distraught over what had happened to his precious young daughter, he could hardly speak. One of the survivors had worked in the legal area and was also threatened. She still found the power to own her voice and to speak out against the violence done to her.
I was deeply impacted by Kori’s husband, Rob Kioca, both in the movie and while speaking with him personally at the “speak out” following the movie. Because of my own abuse, I could relate to both the deep-seated issues the survivors were dealing with along with intimacy problems in their marriages. Kori openly spoke about it and said there were times when she could not even bare her husband to touch her in any way – not even to hold her hand. All he wanted to do was to caress and comfort her, but in her frenzied state, it all felt like rape. Her teary husband told me personally that he didn’t care about the intimacy. He loved his wife, and if there were never any kind of intimacy in their lives again, he would be there totally in support of her. That is true love. He puts her well-being and emotional upheavals above anything he feels on a personal level. His tears testified to the truthfulness of his words. We stood weeping together at his disclosure. I have never respected anyone more than I did this young man at that moment. Myla Haider, Kori & Rob Kioca, Trina McDonald
Myla Haider, Kori Kioca, Trina McDonald
Rob Kioca, standing
Most rapes and sexual assaults are not reported in the military. Again, it’s too frightening, fear of not being believed, and the authority to whom they have to report is like “family”, and mostly nothing is done. Out of all the cases cited in the movie probably less than 10% were sentenced to anything for a year or more.
It’s unbelievable how they get away with actions that are so traumatizing to another individual. I know how it feels, and it’s something that never goes away.
Even when the survivors received any kind of therapy, it was so poor that it didn’t even help and with some made the terror much worse. The gang-raped survivor had to listen to her story every day as assigned by her therapist, and she increasingly got worse. The others repeated the poor attempts at any kind of therapy.
Without exception, they sang the praises of the director, Kirby Dick, and the producer, Amy Ziering, who showed them more love, compassion, kindness, and support than they had previously experienced. Kirby and Amy listened – truly listened – wiped away their tears with their support and love. You could feel the deep appreciation for these two fine individuals as the survivors each said “thank you” in her own way.
Kirby Dick & Amy Ziering
Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering
I came home totally exhausted – not so much physically as emotionally. I spent the day attempting to repress my volcanic emotions from erupting. I was in a public place, and it didn’t’ feel like the appropriate or safe thing to release all these pent-up feelings still within me. Just three days earlier, I had revealed to my second daughter about a rape when I was 14. It was a relative I really loved and admired. I had kept quiet for more than 60 years although I had revealed four other major perpetrators. I don’t know why I was never able to speak about this one, but I just couldn’t. Maybe it was because I had always admired him, and it was just too devastating.
I reveal this now to add to the testimonies of these women who had been brave enough to reveal it and to bring a court case forward. DOD's motion to dismiss the survivors' case was granted 12/13/11, but an  appeal is being made. Please assist these courageous women by going to www.invisiblewarmovie.com and click on “sign petition”. This is a petition to senators and government to gain support for this issues. They have the support of at least four female senators and two males. But they need a lot more.
It was brought out in the movie that a rapist has assaulted 300 times. These women represent a tiny minority of those who have already suffered and will yet suffer if something isn’t done. These rapists sooner or later are released from the military and move into our communities, our neighborhoods, our streets, and continue to carry on their sexual assaults on innocent victims. The next one could be your own daughter, sister, aunt, niece, mother, granddaughter, cousin, etc. Please let’s gather together to rid our society of this “invisible war”. PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION! Many women will sing your praises for your support. (Link: www.invisiblewarmovie.com - click on "Sign the Petition" button at bottom.)
The women spoke of going to a VA hospital for appointments and receiving “cat calls” as they walked down the halls. Men need to be educated that this IS NOT ACCEPTABLE behavior. Women need your blessings and support, not your taunting. It is a form of abuse, and it needs to stop NOW! Read more on my granddaughter’s website:  www.stopstreetharassment.org. Also Google Holly Kearl for much more information about this.
Get involved in making a difference. Together we can unite to change what has and is happening. And if you have been abused, have the courage to speak out. My websites: www.janiceweinheimer.com , www.janiceweinheimer,org, andwww.stoppingabuse.com carry more information and blogs.

Granddaughter, Holly Kearl, posted this on Facebook: Best moments of the day were meeting/chatting with Kori Cocoa, lead plantiff in class action lawsuit against the military and main subject of The Invisible War film...For speaking out, she has lost friends, & is under public scrutiny. She is SO brave. I am in awe." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ifc_ongQFQ
http://www.flickr.com/photos/invisiblewar/ (link for pictures from Speak-Out)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Why I Write


My writing career began when I was in second grade. I loved fairy tales and wrote an entire book of my own tales. A sibling, finding my book, taunted: You think you can write? My hurt little soul ran blindly, opened the basement furnace door and threw in my heart along with my little book. My burned manuscript created decades of writer’s block.
I never lost the enthusiasm for putting pen to paper, but I no longer knew how. I love reading. It opens up an entire world of envisioning, learning, and understanding. Writing, to me, has become what I call “spirit” writing. At an appointed hour I ask for assistance from my spirit guides. I wait until the pen almost leaps out of my hand to the paper. (No, I cannot write via computer.) It’s almost as if there is an inner voice channeling feelings and words to me that I commit to paper. I write until the pen becomes stilled.
Challenges come when I listen to the voice in my head that scoffs at the idea that anything I write could be of interest or assistance to anyone. My greatest block is being able to convey what my inner TV screen creates into the written word. Part of what I envision at times seems to get lost in the transition, and I am never quite satisfied. In order to “spirit” write, the voice in my head has to be silenced. Writing then comes from my heart.
My first book was about our unique family, how to organize and raise children. I have also written cook books. But my favorite is my latest: The Illness That Healed Me – An Account of Surviving Sexual Abuse and the Journey into Healing. It took twenty years to write. I felt compelled within to commit it to words. I am passionate about assisting abused to heal and to educate perpetrators about how their actions can ruin the lives of others. I feel deeply that forgiveness is necessary in order to move forward.
I have a daughter and a son who are both gifted writers. When I read what they have written, I am truly entrenched in their words. The stories, the characters, their interpretations all are amazing to me. My daughter’s personalities are so real they absorb all my attention, and I forget they are fiction. I never want it to end. When it does, I ask for more.
I grew up on L. M. Montgomery, and was so engrossed in Anne of Green Gables and Emily of New Moon I actually lost my own identity in them. As an adult, my interests are in energetic healing. Chunyi Lin has probably impacted me the most along with Dr. Caroline Myss and Dr. Norma Shealy. Each of their works educates me to a higher level. I also love reading Gregg Braden, Alberto Villoldo, Bruce Lipton, Christie Marie Sheldon, Sonia Choquette, Joe Vitale, Brent Phillips and others  
I am very passionate about healing and motivated to serve others. Through unique experiences of my own, I am able to offer ways and means of making lives easier and better. When I hear from someone that something in my book has assisted them to change their lives or that they will never be the same after reading my words, I feel humbly grateful. I would heal everyone if I could.
Being an author has some drawbacks for me. There’s a lot of busy work, a lot of waiting, ups and downs, and depending upon others. I would prefer a steady, level road and not a roller coaster ride. I prefer to be in the background but also desire to dedicate my life to assisting others to heal from their wounds and traumas. This is why I write. I know there is a higher way of living that has been given to me as a gift, and I feel a need to share.
I believe some write because they love to write, because it is cathartic, and because it gives expression to an inner talent. Many have an innate understanding of the written word that sometimes escapes me. I write only if there is an inner nudging and the “spirit” writing endorses that. However, I feel that most writers are probably in the former category. I believe we write because it’s just something we feel almost compelled to do. I envisioned writing a book at age 18 and tried several times without success. I believe those “without success” times were necessary to lead me to successes.
My advice to those just beginning a writing career: remain close and true to your heart. Let writing be your passion. Enjoy the process. Be motivated and uplifted while writing. Assume your success throughout the entire process. See the end from the beginning. Don’t let little imps come onto the stage of the mind and bring discouragement. If you are interested in writing, there probably is a reason that is based in talent. Let go of any attachment to the outcome and write for the pure pleasure of writing.
Getting my first book, Families Are Forever If I Can Just Get through Today, published when I was an “unknown” was a huge victory over the past. When I dropped off my manuscript to the publisher, my oldest son commented that my name wasn’t ……. (a famous writer) and what made me think someone would publish anything I had written. I wondered that for the six weeks I waited until I received the acceptance letter. Euphoria set in. I was a child again running, jumping and screaming through the empty house. This was truly a dream fulfilled because my book contained personal stories, and the editor had told me they never published anything personal unless the author was already well-known to the public. My book sold over 40,000 copies in a more local arena and was on the market for nearly 20 years. I was ecstatic!