I've been thinking about a friend who was also abused. Her perpetrator was her brother, and she hated what he did to her. When he was about 16, he shot himself right in front of her. The trauma that she experienced has stayed with her most of her life. People who have not been abused have no idea of the far-reaching effects of sexual abuse. Let me share some details of her life.

She was married quite young. She had three beautiful children and lived in in CA. She moved back to UT and got settled in another town and home. It was here she discovered her husband had been on drugs and dealing drugs. He also had another wife and family in CA. When her local church authorities found out, there was a special meeting held. Her in-law parents held her totally responsible for what had happened to their son. The church hierarchy seemed to be all for him and there was nothing left for her. She was devastated. She had no idea what had been going on behind the scenes of her supposedly happy life, marriage, and family.

The after effects of losing her husband and her ideal family, left her with a debilitating illness. After months of trying to get well, she inched forward a step at a time. She began working part time and trying to take care of her now teenage children. She took some training and schooling and got herself a better job. Here she met and married an older gentleman who had just lost his wife. My friend was rescuing him, but she didn't understand that at the time. Every time things got a little bit difficult, he would run back to his own home and grown children. Eventually, his family won out, and the marriage ended.

She tried to snap back and get on her feet again. Eventually another man came into her life. Again it turned out to be a rescuing situation on her part. He gave the appearance of being well-to-do, but in reality was in heavy debt. She had to work to pay for everything and take in his children from a previous marriage on weekends. This marriage didn't work out either. There were too many untruths and too many issues.

So she was on her own again, but she continued to pursue her education and trying to better herself in her work. She took up square dancing and met who she thought was her soul mate. However, he soon fled because he was afraid of commitment. She went back to her square dancing and met someone else. This time she thought she had found the right one for sure. They had a lot of interests together. He was busy taking care of extracurricular work and didn't have a lot of extra time. He used her like a prostitute daily. He had money, but he only was concerned in pursuing his own interests. When she couldn't deal with it any longer, she left him. Even though he had money and had assisted her with her college pursuits, it wasn't enough. She wanted true companionship.

The marriage ended. She continued her degree in another state. After she had graduated in counseling (wouldn't you know), she returned back home. Her children had gotten reacquainted with their drug dealing father, and visited him in FL and then blamed her for all of their problems. She felt like she had lost everything, but she didn't give up. She let her children be where they were and continued on with her own life. She gave them love whenever they would let her. Her first husband committed suicide and she even got blamed for that by her children.

Still undaunted, she followed her career choice and found work and devoted her life to serving others. During this time she met the man of her dreams. She wasn't rescuing this time. He was tall, dark, and handsome and had a good job. They eventually listened to their clergy and got married. Today, she is happier than I have ever seen her. Her children still aren't where she would like them to be, but she has the education to know how to deal with all that. She devotes her life to the elderly and to the women in her church. She is totally happy and fulfilled.

Hers is a difficult story because there is so much sadness. Her neighbors judged her because of all her marriages, but they didn't know the truth. I lived through it with her, and I have the highest respect and regard for her. She lived through terrible circumstances in her life, but by discovering who she truly was, she didn't let her physical circumstances rule or ruin her life. She is an outstanding woman, cheerful, social, loving, compassionate, and beautiful.

She could easily have chosen to be a victim. So many things happened to her over and over. However, she chose instead to take control of her life. She chose not to remain in the low energy created by choosing to be a victim. She let those who judged her be where they were, but she chose to make a difference in and for her life.She chose to move on. She is successful because she took action that brought her results. Her intent was clear, and she went for it. Now she has a blessed life, and she is living her desires.

I love you, Sherrie!